


Greedy Heart

by doop_doop



Category: Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doop_doop/pseuds/doop_doop
Summary: Life on the road with Lucius was good in the ways that only a life of traveling could be. Days of seeing no other people but Lucius; the broad sky above them, blindingly blue; nothing before them but the open road. No war for them to worry about, no one to order them around.And at night, Raven would lie next to Lucius in their shared tent and listen to the sound of him breathing. Raven would listen to the small noises he’d make and be overwhelmed, almost to the point of tears, without being able to express why. He was happy, of course, and the tears were partially tears of joy. But not entirely; there was something else mixed in, something Raven couldn’t put a name to...
Relationships: Lucius/Raven (Fire Emblem)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 80





	Greedy Heart

It was difficult at times for Raven to understand his own feelings; he often had to pause to puzzle out why he was so angry, or scared, or happy. His feelings for Lucius had always been tied up with his old life - good and bad all mixed together, nostalgic and bittersweet - and because Lucius was all that remained of his past, it had taken Raven too long to realize how deep his feelings for Lucius really ran, that the intensity of them was not just because of the length of time they’d known one another but something else, a powerful force in their own right. 

Life on the road with Lucius was good in the ways that only a life of traveling could be. Days of seeing no other people but Lucius; the broad sky above them, blindingly blue; nothing before them but the open road. No war for them to worry about, no one to order them around. 

And at night, Raven would lie next to Lucius in their shared tent and listen to the sound of him breathing. Lucius always fell asleep first, and Raven would stay very still and listen as the other man’s breaths got louder and slower. Sometimes Lucius’ entire body would twitch, or he’d snort in his sleep; sometimes he even snored. For such an elegant person, he was a terribly inelegant sleeper. 

Raven would listen to the small noises he’d make and be overwhelmed, almost to the point of tears, without being able to express why. He was happy, of course, and the tears were partially tears of joy. But not entirely; there was something else mixed in, something Raven couldn’t put a name to until the two of them had been traveling together for weeks.

Then, one night no different from the night before, Raven finally realized. Lucius went to bed as the sun was still setting. The dusky light illuminated his face, and Raven felt a sinking sadness in his gut as he stared at his sleeping form and watched the light fading away as the sun sank below the horizon. Raven felt disappointed because he could no longer see Lucius. He could not speak to him, either, or touch him; the night was like a wall between them, which only Lucius’ gentle sleep-sounds could penetrate.

_ I don’t need to see him to know he’s still there, _ Raven thought to himself, confused. But no, it wasn’t fear that made him feel so intensely - it was simply a desire to see Lucius, a longing. Raven didn’t want the day to end, because their togetherness ended with it.

_ Our togetherness does not end. He’s right there. _

And then:  _ But I can’t see him - I can’t touch him -  _

And it hit Raven like a blow: all the teasing he did when they were awake, all the times he nudged Lucius with his shoulder, or broke the silence just to feel Lucius’ eyes on him, or offered to do Lucius’ chores just to get a smile in exchange - it all sprang from this same longing. They were equals now, as close as two fellow travelers could expect to be, and yet Raven, ever greedy, wanted more, wanted all of him.

Lucius, serene in his ignorance, snorted and rolled over in his sleep. 

_ He doesn’t feel the same for me as I do for him, _ Raven thought. His hands clenched into fists.  _ He would have told me already. _

But what if, like Raven himself, Lucius scarcely knew his own feelings? Or what if he was afraid of rejection, afraid that their travels would end if Raven were to find out? 

It was possible, Raven allowed. Not probable, but  _ possible. _ Still, Raven was never going to be the one to break down the wall between them. He was at Lucius’ side every time but at night, and that was enough for him; it had to be.

\---

“A river,” Lucius said. Raven stared, surprised. 

The water flowed before them, at the bottom of a ravine. It defied exact categorization: it was not quite a river, but larger than a stream. 

Raven couldn’t take his eyes off it, though the reflection of the sun off its surface hurt his eyes. “There wasn’t a river on our map…” 

“I wonder if there’s fish. Let me see if I could rig up some sort of fishing pole - we could have fresh fish tonight!”

“Lucius!” Raven said, frowning. “Don’t you understand what this means? We’ve gotten off course somehow. I’ve got to look at our map and see if I can find where we are.” 

“We weren’t off course yesterday, when we passed through Blackstone,” Lucius said. He walked to the edge of the ravine, gazing down at the water below. “It may be too small for fish, now that I take a closer look, but it will still be refreshing to go in, and it will give us a chance to fill our canteens.” 

“If I can’t find where we are, we may need to backtrack...” But Lucius, Raven could tell, was not listening; he was making his way down the ravine, which was steep and looked terribly slick.  _ “Lucius!” _

“Come down, if you want,” Lucius called up to him. 

“Be careful!”

“I’m fine,” Lucius said, smiling. A few more steps and he was at the bottom of the ravine, just beside the water. “Ah, my shoes got wet.” 

“I’ll be up here, looking at the map,” Raven said, and sat down right where he stood. “If there’s a current, don’t go in too deep.” 

Lucius couldn’t even hear him, probably, but it still made Raven feel better to say those things, which was foolish in itself. He didn’t even know why he bothered anymore. Lucius had somehow survived this long being as carefree as he was, and it was obvious he’d never start listening to Raven, so why did Raven waste his breath? 

He tried to focus on the map, he really did. But when he heard Lucius’ shriek of laughter, he had to look up, just to see - just to make sure it wasn’t a shriek of terror. 

Lucius had stripped off his robes and now stood nearly naked in the middle of the stream. He’d tied his hair up, and from this angle Raven could see the whole expanse of his back, pale and slender, the muscles visible under his skin. The water was only up to his mid-thigh, but as Raven watched, Lucius splashed it onto himself, getting all of his skin wet, as if he was bathing.

After a moment Lucius turned. He caught Raven’s eye and waved, and Raven felt a thrill of embarrassment go through him, as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.  _ Silly, _ he thought, not returning the wave.  _ Both of us are foolish. _

“The water is wonderful!” Lucius called out

“I’ve got something else to do.” 

“Come take a break once you’ve figured it out. You’ll regret it if you don’t!”

Raven did feel hot, and grimy, and sweaty; but he could just bathe at the next town they reached. That was one commodity inns always offered, and he wouldn’t have to worry about smelling like stinking river water until then. Although it was hardly worse than smelling like stinking traveler - but, no, Raven had things to do, he really did. He picked up the map once more.

Still no river on the map, but maybe it was seasonal, or new - they had gotten a very rainy spring, and the snow on some of the mountains had just recently finished melting. There was Blackstone, which, like Lucius had said, they’d passed through just the day before… The mountains were north of them, and west, clearly visible where they stood now. No, as far as he could tell they were not off track, except for this damned confusing river that had just decided to appear.

They wouldn’t backtrack, Raven decided - not unless they didn’t reach Crow Hill by the day after next. Then they’d know they were really off track; but it was no use worrying about it until that time came. He’d try and remind himself of that fact, at least. 

He carefully folded the map and tucked it back inside his bag. Then he stared at the mountains, at the sky, at the dirt beneath him, at everything he could think of that wasn’t Lucius.

But he had to look down again; there was nowhere to look but at him. It was a good thing he was so far away, Raven thought, because otherwise it would be obvious, this staring. Lucius would see Raven’s eyes on him and  _ know. _

(But, on the other hand, they didn’t see one another shirtless often; and Raven longed to see Lucius’ bare skin, the moles on his shoulders, the tiny dimples he knew framed the base of his spine…)

“Come in!” Lucius called again. Raven looked away.

“I don’t think we’re actually off-track. I think the river might’ve just popped up recently. Meltwater, you know.”

“Good!” The smile was audible in Lucius’ voice, but the fool would probably be smiling even if Raven had told him they were hopelessly lost. “I’m glad!”

“If you’re going to waste time down there, I’m going to nap,” Raven said, getting up. There was a tree nearby - he could get a little shade, rest his eyes for a bit. “Wake me up when you’re done messing around.”

Raven didn’t sleep, but was still startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes; Lucius was there in front of him, still mostly nude, his robe slung over one shoulder. He was crouching down in front of Raven to be on his eye level. “Lord Raymond?”

Raven jerked back in surprise. His head hit the tree trunk with a  _ thump _ that sounded worse than it was, but still stung, and for a moment his vision swam. 

“I’m so sorry,” Lucius said. “I didn’t mean to frighten you!” Suddenly his hands were on Raven’s head, fingers running through his hair. Looking for the injury, Raven realized, and he shook Lucius off.

“I’m fine,” Raven said, voice gruff. (Had he fallen asleep, after all?) “Lucius,  _ stop, _ I’m fine.” 

“I only meant to tell you I’m done swimming, and that we can keep moving on, if you wish.” Lucius sat back on his haunches, biting his lip, and Raven felt his cheeks turn pink; it really was hard not to stare. The water on Lucius’ skin hadn’t quite dried, and he seemed to glimmer where the sun hit him - not to mention, it was far more of his bare skin than Raven normally saw.

“Alright,” Raven said, rubbing the back of his head. It really hadn’t hurt  _ that _ badly - most of the sting was from the embarrassment of having given Lucius something to worry about. Raven was used to it being the other way around. “Help me up.” 

Raven took Lucius’ proffered hand and let himself be hoisted to his feet. Only then did Lucius seem to realize he was still mostly naked, and threw his robes on, laughing a little to himself.

\---

They were not, in fact, off track. They reached Crow Hill in the early afternoon two days later. It was a small town, but large enough to appear on maps, with an inn and several stores. Raven made a beeline for the inn, and paid extra to have a bath drawn as soon as possible. 

They had to wait a short time for their room and the bath to be prepared, so they sat on a bench outside the door to the inn, Raven enjoying the sensation of simply resting after so long on his feet. Lucius seemed ill at ease, though, frowning deeply and staring off into space in a decidedly un-Lucius-like way. Finally he spoke: “Would you be upset if I wanted a bath drawn, as well? I did bathe in the river, but-”

“I - of course not,” Raven said. “What are you going on about?” 

“I don’t want to use up our funds on frivolities-”

“Nonsense,” Raven said. “Look, Lucius, we aren’t even that low on funds, and there is no reason why-”

“I would feel bad, regardless,” Lucius said. “Look, forget I said anything. You can bathe first, and I will use the water once you’re done.”

Raven barked a laugh. “I’m the dirtier one, remember? We’ll do it the other way around, if you insist on being stubborn.”

“I could not-”

“If you won’t let me pay for two baths, and you won’t bathe first, I suppose we’ll have to bathe at the same time.” 

Lucius’ mouth fell open. Raven had meant it as a joke, something poking fun at how strange and stingy Lucius was being, but immediately he could see it had fallen flat; Lucius frowned deeper, closed his mouth and looked away, the conversation effectively over.

**_Was_ ** _ it a joke? _ a small part of Raven asked. No, that didn’t matter. For all intents and purposes, it was a joke, even if he would have taken Lucius up on it had he said yes.

“You’re right,” Raven said, “it probably wouldn’t work - their bathtub will almost certainly be too small. A silly idea.”

Lucius turned back to look at Raven, and to Raven’s surprise his expression seemed somehow angry. “Are you mocking me?”

“What?” Raven asked. He really had no idea what Lucius meant. “Mocking you?”

“I did, in fact, want you to join me in the river two days ago,” Lucius said, lifting his chin. “It would have been a nice reprieve from traveling. I would have liked to see you relax, too. And now, you asking me to join you, it feels like you’re mocking me.” 

“I’m not,” Raven said quickly. “It’s just - a stupid joke.” 

“Quite.”

“Joke or no, it’s also a serious offer,” Raven said, and, oh, what was he  _ saying? _ He couldn’t stand to see Lucius looking so distant and sad without at least  _ trying _ to fix it, but this was foolish, and dangerous, and stupid and risky and awful all around. But the words didn’t care; they came out, anyways, like they had a mind of their own. “If you won’t budge, we’ll have to do it together, provided the tub is large enough.”

Lucius rolled his eyes. “Do you want me to call your bluff, Lord Raymond?”

“Go ahead. Call my bluff.”

_ “Yes, _ I’ll bathe with you, provided the tub is large enough. I still don’t know if you’re making fun of me for my behavior at the river, or if this is some strange way of making it up to me-”

“Excuse me.” The innkeeper poked her head out of the door. “Your room’s prepared, and your bath is drawn. You can head on in.”

\---

The tub was large enough.

Raven stared at it a moment, almost not believing. Why did such a small inn have a bathtub this big? It was huge, and inviting; steam wafted gently off the surface. 

He clenched his jaw, glanced at Lucius out of the corner of his eye. Lucius, he noted, was also watching him.

“I wasn’t kidding,” Raven said, stepping towards it. “Come on, Lucius. Either you bathe first, or-”

“Lord Raymond,” Lucius said. “You don’t need to use my old bathwater.”

“And you don’t need to use mine. Let us pay for two baths. This is simple, really.”

“It was expensive,” Lucius said. “Come to think of it, it’s probably because the tub is so big…”

“Come on,” Raven said again, and pulled his shirt over his head. He didn’t dare look at Lucius now, couldn’t bear knowing whether Lucius was offended or amused or something else. “I wasn’t kidding.”

“Well, Lord Raymond, this more than makes up for not joining me in the river.”

Raven heard the sound of cloth moving - robes being pulled off, perhaps. “It isn’t a  _ favor,” _ Raven said. He paused only a moment before undoing the laces of his pants and sliding them down. “You’re being so bullheaded, I decided to be bullheaded back.”

Raven paused before pulling the last of his clothing off, his back still to Lucius; but before he was done he heard a sound very much like someone stepping into a large tub of water, and turned, too curious not to see.

Lucius, entirely nude, had climbed into the tub. He smiled at Raven before sinking down into a sitting position, and his expression changed to one of utter bliss. “It’s wonderfully warm,” he said, his eyes falling shut.

Raven stepped towards him. The water was so clear he could see Lucius’ naked body in its entirety, but warped just a bit, as if he was preserved at the center of some bluish stone. Sure, they’d seen each other naked before, but not often, and not for years - certainly not since Raven had laid awake in their tent and listened to Lucius’ breaths and wished to be even closer to him.

He was getting his wish. He took a deep breath and, steadying himself on the sides of the tub, stepped into the water.

Lucius was right - it  _ was _ wonderfully warm, almost-but-not-quite too hot. Raven sighed as he sat down, and Lucius’ eyes opened lazily. “Hello, Lord Raymond,” he said. “Glad you could join me.”

Raven’s cheeks flushed, although at least the steam would work to hide the cause of it. He and Lucius sat facing one another, their legs pulled up to their chests, their backs resting against the sides of the tub. They were close enough that their toes could almost touch. And it meant that there was nowhere else to look but at Lucius, nowhere for Lucius to look but at him. Lucius’ gaze was soft and fond, the anger from earlier entirely gone.

“There’s soap,” Raven said, glancing at the small table just to the side of the tub. “And a washcloth.”

“So there is.” 

“Only one washcloth,” Raven said, reaching out an arm to grab it. “Are we going to fight over who gets to use this first, too?”

“You’ve already got it, so you can go ahead.”

Raven grabbed the soap, too, and rubbed some on the cloth; but instead of washing himself, he reached out his hand and, not breaking eye contact with Lucius, began to wash one of Lucius’ knees.

“Hold on,” Lucius said, smiling nervously. 

“Yes?”

“That’s cheating.”

“Cheating?” Raven laughed. “Is this a game?” 

“I’m not a child,” Lucius said. He looked as if he wanted to pull away, but there was nowhere to go, not without leaving the tub. “I don’t need you to take care of me and clean me like one.”

“No, you’re not a child,” Raven said. “Despite acting like one on occasion, I know you’re a man through and through.”

He hadn’t intended the words to come out so low and soft and breathy; to his own ears, it sounded like he was trying to seduce Lucius. He laughed nervously. “Anyway, I’m not mocking you, you know. Not trying to, at least.” 

“Even now?”

“Even now.” 

Lucius was holding very still, and Raven began to wash him again, rubbing one calf with the cloth before moving to the next one. He did all of Lucius’ skin that he could reach, but the position meant that he couldn’t go higher up than his knees. 

When he looked up, Lucius looked close to overheating. His face was red, and his lips were parted slightly. When Raven met his eyes, he bit his lip. “Lord Raymond…”

“Here,” Raven said, handing him the soap and cloth. “I can’t reach any more of you.” 

“Thank you.” 

They were at an impasse, Raven realized. Lucius was holding the soap and washcloth in his hands but doing nothing, just staring at Raven like he was trying to figure something out. When Raven swallowed, the noise was audible in the quiet room.

“If you’re not mocking me…” Lucius began.

“I’m not mocking you!”

“...then why would you wash me? Why would you bathe with me at all?” 

Raven opened his mouth, closed it, and took a deep breath; when he exhaled, it came out as a hiss through closed teeth. It was almost unbearable to have Lucius’ eyes on him, to feel the weight of that question - a question Raven could not answer entirely honestly, not if he wanted to keep Lucius by his side. But he couldn’t lie to Lucius either; Lucius knew him well and would see through that in an instant. And to be silent said something, too. Was it better to take his words back, to say  _ Actually I  _ **_was_ ** _ mocking you, _ and watch Lucius’ open curiosity turn to closed-off hurt? 

No. Never. Better a knife in his ribs, better to feel the sting of hurt himself than to thrust it onto Lucius.

“I’m bad with words,” Raven began, fidgeting. The water sloshed against the edges of the tub, but didn’t spill out onto the floor. Lucius, ever patient, waited and watched with an almost solemn air about him. 

Raven went on: “I always want to be close to you. I’m a jealous person, I know this, I always have been, but it’s like I want to… have all of you, be as close to you as I can be.” 

“Oh,” Lucius said. He seemed surprised, maybe pleasantly so, and looked down at his own knees. “Lord Raymond, I would say we  _ are _ as close as we could be, these days.”

“No,” Raven said. There must have been something strange in his tone, because Lucius raised his head again, brow furrowed. “No,” Raven said again, and decided to throw everything to the winds and speak his mind. He closed his eyes. “At night, I want to sleep with you beside me. I want to be able to touch you whenever I want. I want your body in my arms.” His voice was trembling only a little, which Raven found impressive given the awfulness of his confession. “I want your attention all the time, but until now I was doing my best to hide that from you. That’s why I didn’t go to the river with you. But I also just…” He swallowed again, wishing for something beyond bath water to drink - his throat was dry, his tongue fuzzy. “I just want to tell you, so you don’t think I’m mocking you. I’m really not.”

He sighed when he finished, dropping his head forward so his forehead rested on his knees. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from him, and even though he felt sick with worry and fear, at least he didn’t have to bear that worry any longer. 

Raven stayed like that, feeling the comforting warm pressure of the water like an embrace, until he felt something touch his head, once, gently. Lucius’ hand, Raven realized. He held still.

“Lord Raymond?”

Raven still did not move. He did not have Lucius’ patience, but he waited, holding his breath.

_ “Raven?” _

Raven lifted his head in surprise. His preferred name sounded odd in Lucius’ voice, and Lucius said it like it was a foreign word - but for him to have said it at all was startling.

“Don’t hide your face, please,” Lucius said, and, to his shock, Raven saw his eyes were welling with tears.

“Why are you crying?!” 

“I’m sorry,” Lucius said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “To hear you say those things to me, it was… it made me so happy.”

“Lucius,” Raven said slowly, “I will ask for nothing from you, but I will take what I am given. Even if that’s just to travel alongside you as we have been doing. I am happy now, despite my greediness.”

“Knowing you desire these things makes me so happy,” Lucius said. “I desire them, too.” He smiled, and Raven’s heart seemed to stop entirely. 

“It is a shame we are in this bathtub, actually,” Lucius added. “I think I would like to be in your arms.”

“Damn bathing,” Raven said. “It can wait.” He leapt to his feet. He could not even feel embarrassment at being naked in front of Lucius - Lucius’ words had pushed everything else out of his head.

“The water will get cold.”

Raven looked down at Lucius. He was smiling; his words, Raven realized, were playful. “I will bathe in cold water if it means not waiting another second to hold you,” Raven said. He grabbed the towel, did a haphazard job of drying himself off, and stepped out of the tub. The bed was easily large enough for both of them, and Raven sat down on the edge of it, waiting.

Finally, after seeming to think this over for a moment, Lucius rose to his feet. 

Raven stared. He felt it was fine to do so, now - that Lucius’ positive reaction to his confession was tacit approval of this, too. And Lucius did not seem shy as he dried himself off; in fact he seemed to hold his body straighter and his head higher, like he was proud of the attention Raven was giving him. 

“Come here,” Raven said, more a plea than an order. 

Lucius chucked. “I’m on my way, aren’t I?” 

And a second later he was there, sitting so close to Raven that it was overwhelming. They had never been this close - certainly not when naked - and Raven was torn between gazing at Lucius endlessly and holding him in his arms.  _ I will have time to look later, _ Raven decided, and pulled Lucius to him. They lay back on the bed like that, still clammy from the bath, and Raven pulled the blanket over them, as warm and comforting as the bathwater had been.

Lucius rested his head on the pillow and gazed up at Raven, his expression gentle. 

“What are you thinking about?” Raven asked. 

“I’ve been in love with you for years,” Lucius said softly.

That stopped Raven’s heart cold in his chest. Lucius must have felt him tense; he smiled self-consciously and pressed his face against Raven’s neck. “I hope that wasn’t too shocking,” he said. “Me saying I love you.”

“You - why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

“It is something I had resigned myself to living with,” Lucius said. “It was not a heavy burden to bear.”

“If you had told me before…”

“How long has it been since you realized you had these feelings for me?” Lucius asked. Raven could not see him, but he felt Lucius’ lips moving against the skin of his neck. 

“A few months.” 

“Since we began traveling, then?”

“Yes.”

“If I had told you earlier - before you realized your own feelings - what would you have done?”

Raven didn’t know. He pulled Lucius' body closer, and Lucius kissed the skin of his neck, once, lightly.

“It doesn’t matter now,” Lucius said. “I’m - I’m just so happy. I’m so happy.”

“Will you sleep in my arms tonight?” Raven asked. 

Lucius pulled away to look him in the eye. “No.”

_ “What?  _ You won't?” 

“You thrash in your sleep sometimes. I’d prefer to stay far out of range.”

“Well,” Raven said, feeling petulant, “you snore.” 

“I - I do not!”

“You do, but I forgive you.” Raven paused. “You  _ will  _ share the bed with me, though?” 

“Yes,” Lucius said. “And… you have permission to touch me anytime you want. With the exception of in your sleep, when you are thrashing.” 

Raven chose to ignore the jab at the end. “I do? Anytime?” 

“Yes,” Lucius said. “And I hope you take advantage of it.” 

Raven kissed him on the forehead. Lucius’ skin was soft and smooth beneath his lips; the hairs that tickled Raven’s nose were as delicate as down. “I will, don’t worry,” Raven said. He closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of Lucius in his arms, the weight of him. 

Lucius’ hand stroked lightly up and down his back, and Lucius’ eyes gazed at him fondly, the color vivid as a cloudless sky. It was good, it was so good; Raven felt tears pricking at his own eyes as the reality continued to sink in, the sweetness of it. Later, they would bathe in the cold bathwater; tomorrow, they’d be on the road again. But, for now, there was nothing in the world for Raven but Lucius, his body warm and real in his arms, warm and real and his to hold.

**Author's Note:**

> So glad people still love these two ❤️❤️❤️ because I sure do
> 
> [\- my twitter](https://twitter.com/doop_doop2)   
> 


End file.
